Jeffrey Masters (after_moonrise) wrote in gay_is_ok,
Jeffrey Masters

A Book By Its Cover

Jeff and I are like peanut butter and jelly. We're so in-pocket, all the time, always right behind each other.

He's so open-minded and so very kind to everyone. He's always been there for me, always by my side.

And our friendship is ending one minute at a time.

To be perfectly honest, it doesn't help that I'm in love with him.

We've been best friends ever since we were four. We'd spend hot summer afternoons running in his backyard, jumping through the sprinklers and screaming. We went to school together. We took the same swimming class. We had the same piano teacher. We were in soccer together in the seventh grade.

I don't really know how it happened, or when. I've always seen him as a brother, loved him as a friend. More than a friend or brother or lover, I loved him. That kind of love doesn't really need a label, I suppose. I just wish that he would take off his blinders and see that.

I wouldn't call my hatred of Christina jealousy. Yeah, she's dating Jeff at the moment, and I'm happy for him. I suppose that my hatred for her could be acted out by sticking a kife through her skull. Every time they kiss, every time they touch, my stomach burns. I feel like throwing up... and aiming for her shoes. I wish it were me with him, holding him, kissing him.

My first wet dream had a man involved. My second had Jeff.

Is it wrong to want your virtual twin to sleep with you? Yes, I do have lust for him, I have feelings for him. I love him.

My wishing doesn't make it true.

Jeff doesn't know that I'm in love. He doesn't know that I'm different. That I'm wrong.

Jeff doesn't know that I'm gay.

And how can he love me when he doesn't see?

What should I do?
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